Not all submissives are alike. I'm a submissive, but there are 50 shades of submission (sorry about that reference), so my 'likes' are not necessarily the same as other subs. I am a submissive but not a masochist, I don't like pain but when the dominant wants to cause pain then I cope with it because I am submitting to the dominant. I know masochists who don't submit but love pain. But for me, it's not so much what I like but what the dominant likes, I am submitting to the dominant, so giving up control means giving up the choice of what the dominant wants to do, of course in a professional capacity what I am willing to submit to is tempered by safety considerations.
For me, dominance is an absolute expectation that the submissive will do as they are told, that they submit to the dominant. The dominant doesn't need to shout, or be an arse, they just know what they want and ask for it. Submission is a desire to submit to a more dominant person than themselves. It’s a desire, it doesn’t mean it is easy or that will happen.
There are various combinations and degrees of masochistic and submissive tendencies. Masochists are not necessarily submissives and vice versa.
Negotiation is an important part of BDSM. This is where you discuss any health issues, and any hard or soft limits you may have. Hard limits are things that the submissive absolutely won’t do and are non-negotiable, and soft limits are where they have limits but these may be pushed, depending on the situation and the person they are playing with. The problem with limits is that they can change and evolve and in the heat of the moment they can just vanish! The other problem with limits is that they depend on the type of submissive you are playing with. There are those that may like being forced to do something they don't like. The problem I found with negotiation is that I failed to realise that one of the most important things to discuss is the type of person I am. It’s not only about what you will or won't do, it can be about how you do things. Sometimes I may fight back, especially if pain is involved. Some dominants don’t like that. So communication is vital!
Practicing BDSM requires communication and consent. (I won’t go into the legal aspects here.) Some see spanking as ‘OK’ but belting someone as ‘abuse’. For me, there is no difference, it is simply a matter of consent. Both are OK or neither are OK, or one may be OK and the other not, it depends on if there is consent.
...ON SAFE WORDS
Most people use safe words while practicing BDSM. A safe word is an agreed system of words (or actions if gagged) whereby the submissive can indicate if there is a problem. The usual system of words are: RED means stop immediately there is a problem; AMBER means go slow or change what you are doing as they are not coping with what is happening or there is an impeding problem; and GREEN which means everything is OK, carry on.
When a submissive or dominant talks about headspace, they mean their psychological or emotional state. Being in a submissive headspace means different things to different people. For me, being in a submissive headspace is dependant on how the dominant behaves, and my state of mind during the session. The more dominant they are, the more likely I am to feel submissive. In a submissive headspace, I will feel calm. It is when I let go. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I will be quiet and compliant ;)
Danny-Ella ©...BDSM Submissive London Escort